Love is (not) enough

How many times have we heard things like ‘love is the answer’, ”love is all you need’, etc.

I used to believe love was enough, I used to believe that if someone loved you then it would work out. That if someone loved you and you loved them it would all be alright, that you would be able to overcome anything. Yes, I am talking about romantic love in this case, though it applies to other types of love relationships as well.

I recently realised this is not true because love is not enough.

My inner child is rebelling against these words I am writing and she screams inside me, How can you say that? So I have to explain it to her.

In life there are only two basic core emotions, love and fear. Total opposites. Sometimes people believe the opposite of love is hate but no, it’s fear. Hate is just fear disguised in anger and violence. Love and fear are the two basic core emotions from which every other emotion emerges.

The Positive emotions such as joy, empathy, hope, understanding, trust, open-mindedness, peace, strength, wisdom, courage, gratitude, happiness, etc. all stem from love. Love sponsors these emotions so whenever you feel them, if you dig deep you will find love as the roots of the emotion. On the other hand, the Negative emotions are sponsored by fear: hate, fury, resentment, guilt, betrayal, hurt, jealousy, shame, apathy, despair, sadness, anxiety, etc. They all come from fear, if you dive deep you will find fear at the base. And if you ponder the question: fear of what? The answer is always the same one: fear of death. Not only fear of our own physical deaths, but fear of the ego, fear of losing anything or everything we identify ourselves as, sometimes it’s an image we portray, sometimes it is material stuff, sometimes it is our position, our body, our job, or even our relationship with someone. Sometimes unconsciously we identify with all these things to the point to which our very own selves seem created by them so the fear of losing them would represent death of that image of the self we have created in our minds.

So, with everything in life we have only two basic choices: fear or love. Whenever we do something, or say something, or think something, or feel something we are either doing/thinking/saying/feeling it out of fear or out of love. All your actions are sponsored by either of these forces and if you go inward and dig deep enough you can always know which has been your guide. Needless to say that to create a better world we would all have to choose love, every time, consciously. But to do so, we have to be aware of all this. That is the first step.

So if we take love in this sense, this all-encompassing love then yes it is enough…

But I mean the love in romantic relationships, the one when people say “I love you” but they cannot support that statement because they… we… I include myself for I have too done that before… because we lack self-love.

Love is not enough to make a relationship work. Not in its one-dimensional aspect. Love needs to be unfolded in order to succeed. For a relationship to work, you need love, yes, but you also need strength, understanding, wisdom, honesty, trust, respect, confidence, integrity, courage, loyalty, self-esteem, assertiveness, forgiveness… All derivatives from love but unique and important on their own. And most importantly, self-love, for we can only love another to the extent we love ourselves and others can only love us to the extent they love themselves.

This is why Stephen Chbosky’s quote in The Perks of Being a Wallflower hit us all in a soft spot, because we all know intuitively that this is true. What is in reflects our outside. The love we have for ourselves will also manifest in our relationship with others, and we will only be able to love others as much as we love ourselves. And sometimes, when we find something good, something worth while, something worth working for… we mess it up. Feelings of unworthiness will make us sabotage good relationships. So will the fear of being hurt again. This fear will prevent us from even seeking a relationship in the first place. Fear destroys love. And the fact that we messed it up will only reaffirm our low self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle, hard to see, even harder to change but not impossible.

We can choose love instead. If we see our fear for what it is we can shine the light of our consciousness on it. We can feed it love instead. Where fear breaks, destroys, kills… love creates, heals, and grows anew. Fear is not our enemy, it is our teacher. Fear is our catalyst for change and even if we need twice as much love as before to rebuild our self-confidence, to heal our broken heart, it will be worth it. And the next time someone breaks our heart, or tries to, we will know, we can always choose love again. Self-love first and foremost, and the rest will follow. And if we healed once, we can do it again. Every time you suffer heartache, you also become better at healing, you become more whole, more capable of loving. Any heartache only adds to your heart the capacity to feel, and to love.

Yes, love is enough, my dear inner child, but only if you dare to seize it whole in all its aspects and embody all its attributes, with every one of your thoughts/choices/words/actions. Be loving, but also be brave, be strong, be kind, be honest, be loyal, be decent, be respectful, be conscious, be resilient, be flexible, be selfless, be trustworthy and trusting, be reliable, be assertive, be confident, be joyful, be fun, be empathetic, be understanding, be open-minded, be caring… and be these things for and towards others, yes, but most importantly, for and towards you. You can only be these things towards someone else, truthfully and genuinely, to the extend you are being these things towards you and for you. If you are not kind to yourself but you are kind towards others, you may not be kind because of kindness’ sake, but to secure other people’s love and appreciation, which ultimately means that your actions may be coming from fear… fear of losing love and when someone is afraid of losing love, or being abandoned, or feeling unloved, or being rejected, then they take abuse from others which leads to more self-doubt or even self-loathing.

The person who needs you to be these loving things the most is yourself for yourself and towards yourself. And I am talking about the love that puts yourself first from a place of love, because it knows that you taking care of yourself and giving yourself love will ultimately make you a more loving and caring person for others for you won’t do things to please them, to enchant them, to make them stay, but because you are so full of love that you need to share it, it overflows, it fills you up and expands towards others, naturally, effortlessly.

Yes, love can be enough but only if we choose love… every time, with every word, every choice, every thought, every action. And the first step to do this is to observe our thoughts/actions/words/feelings, to monitor them and when one arises to ask ourselves…. Is this coming from love or from fear and if it is from fear how can I shift to love? What would Love do/think/say/feel?

Love is enough as long as it is based on love, not fear. If you love someone out of fear… fear of loneliness, fear of emptiness, fear of unworthiness, then that is not really love… that is a statement of the lack of it.

If you love someone because of who they are… instead of who you are… your love is akin to fear as well because it will depend on the other person being who you need them to be, and if they fail you, and they probably will because no one is perfect, and no one should be expected to be… that love will fail.

If you love someone not because of who they are but because of who you are… then that love will stay (I am no saying the relationship will stay, necessarily, but the love will) despite what they do or don’t do for the love you have and are is not dependent on external circumstances. That love will not be so much a statement of the relationship but a statement of who you choose to be. And regardless of whether they leave or stay… if the love remains -love for yourself, love for them and who they were in your life, whether a great love, a wonderful companion, a teacher, a guide… all they were. And gratefulness for what you lived together, for the good moments, but also gratefulness for the lessons you learned in the tough moments- if all that love and gratefulness and light which is all part of the same energy, the divine energy some call simply Love, remains… then no matter what happened, happens or will happen, it was all worth it. And regardless of who stays, who goes, who comes, who leaves, the love will remain for it becomes you, you become it. All that love, the love you give, gave, the love you received, the love you share or shared… it BECOMES YOU. You become that love itself, and then it will always stay for it is not only part of you or part of your story, it is you. All the love in your life will guide you through every moment, in every Now. That love which remains, the love that is you, will allow you to see your past, present and future with bright eyes, with love and gratefulness, and hope.

So yes, my darling inner child, love is enough, it is always enough, but make sure the love you profess is rooted in love as well and then and only then will it truly outlive every heartache and every pain and it will shower you with beauty and more love, for evermore.

Book Reviews June-July 2020

Postcards to the Universe: Harness the Universe’s Power and Manifest Your Dreams by Melisa Caprio

Genre: Self-Help, Self-Care

Breathtaking pictures, practical advice, and words full of wisdom. Postcards to the Universe is a wonderful book that offers guidance to experience health, love, abundance, and fulfilment by using one’s own power of manifestation. One of the things I loved most about this book is that it not only offers wisdom and insight, but it also gives you wonderful activities, tips and beautiful rituals to try. It gets you moving! It starts you off on the path to manifest what you want.

The writing flows and the words and pictures are infused with love. Reading this book is like having coffee with a good friend who has been where you are and wishes to share with you what has helped her in the past. As you read the book you go inward, and you can feel things shifting once you start exploring within, just by answering the questions that the book poses. It is a deep, personal, soul-searching experience.

The cherry on top is the collection of beautiful pictures of the many wonderful postcards made by different people who also share the stories. This is a book you want to buy in printed form to enjoy the wholeness of the pictures. The stories of all these people inspire and also let you know that you are not alone, that many go through similar experiences as you, that everything changes, and, more importantly, that we have a saying in the direction that change will take by using our own power of manifestation. Overall, a wonderful, enjoyable, and helpful book!


I Work for Me: 7 Steps for Successful Entrepreneurship by Snehal R. Singh

Genre: Self-Help, Business, DIY

Snehal R. Singh’s book I Work for Me: 7 Steps for Successful Entrepreneurship is a wonderful handbook for anyone who is self-employed, anyone who wants to start a business, has a project in mind or simply works from home (which a lot of us are doing right now). She gives practical, eye-opening tips, and advice that will lead you to become a more organized, more confident, more dedicated version of yourself. I especially loved the ideas she suggests about how to set up a positive, professional mindset for running your own business. For example, she suggests for you to write to yourself an offer letter appointing yourself as whichever role you will be fulfilling in your own business, whether that is just one role or multiple. This kind of simple but powerful acts, I believe, can help us take ourselves and our job/passion/business/brand seriously, they lead us to root for ourselves and to give our dreams the importance and priority they are due.

The guidance Singh provides in this book ranges from business technical advice to self-care which is as important as managing your social media accounts when you are working for yourself since you are both your employer and employee and your wellbeing will also influence the affluence of your project. Reading this book, I felt motivated. It reminded me of the power we have to build the lifestyle and career we want, and it gave me the clarity I was seeking to take the steps needed to put my ideas into action. Singh’s voice is compelling, friendly, clear, and kind. I recommend this book to anyone who feels daunted by the prospect of setting off on their own. This book is a source of encouragement, clarity, and guidance. After you close the book, you definitely feel more confident, determined, and ready. It feels like by reading this book you are already taking the first step into making your dream a reality.  


Becoming by Michelle Obama

Genre: Memoir

Michelle Obama’s memoir Becoming humanises the controversial world of US politics and life in the White House. I read this through Audible, and it was a pleasure to hear Michelle Obama narrate her life not only through her own words but with her own voice. Her voice is clear and kind, I recommend buying the Audiobook version. She talks about racism in the US, sexism, politics, and the hard balance between work and family life. She also gives insight into the pressures a life in politics entails and her strength, her courage and wisdom are admirable.

The only thing I didn’t like about this memoir is the aggrandising of war. As the kind woman she is, Michelle visited war veterans in the hospitals which is great, but the whole idea of fighting a war “to protect” your country has never sat well with me. It makes no sense to me that there is still war in the world and that the US has a part to play in wars that are not even inside of it. The idea that going to war is an admirable thing to do for me is part of a brainwashed ideology based on separation psychology: us vs them. To save our world we don’t have to win more wars we have to stop them altogether and stopping the idealisation of war in movies, books and media is one step towards that. But I do think it is great of Michelle to visit veterans in the hospitals, though I think it would be better if the US just stopped sending soldiers to war altogether and stopped making soldiers in the first place, and stopped making guns and weapons while they are at it… But I know that is one of their most successful businesses, so, for now, it is just wishful thinking.

Even before reading this I had wished Michelle to be president. How nice it would be to have a woman like her in the steering wheel of the most powerful country in the world, instead of … Well, you know.

My heart sank when, at the end, she states that she will never ever run for president. After reading her memoir, I already expected that but I was still disappointed.

Nevertheless, it is nice to know that women are starting to be more heard, that they are starting to be more recognised and placed in positions of power. I think Michelle’s story can inspire us all to raise our voices, to become visible, to take up space and to share what we have to give with the world.


The Flat Share by Beth O’Leary

Genre: Romance

Spoilers coming up. 


I must admit I only got to this book because it was the daily deal on Audible and as a bookaholic I couldn’t resist the temptation of purchasing a book for £1.99, especially on Audible where they tend to be extra expensive. I also thought that if anything, it would keep me amused on the underground while commuting, and it did. The premise of the story -two strangers who share a flat/bed but occupy them at different times of the day- seemed formula for funny/awkward/drama/disaster sort of plot and it was. As with most romance novels the plot is quite predictable and some of the characters (especially the villain) are very one-dimensional. I also cringed at the male-saviour moments.

Nevertheless, it is funny, and entertaining. I found refreshing that the abuse the female protagonist suffers at the hands of the male villain is not romanticised like in other novels but criticised in accordance with contemporary rising awareness of abuse and mental health issues. This book, while following the romance novel formula, deals with serious issues such as gaslighting, PSTD, codependency, trauma, violence and rape within relationships.

I recommend it as nice and-they-lived-happily-ever-after kind of story that also raises awareness of issues most of us have had, have to, or will have to deal with in our relationships.


Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

Genre: Non-Fiction; Racism

Like a lot of people wanting to support the Black Lives Matter Movement, I purchased this book on Audible hoping to educate myself further on racial issues especially concerning the UK, the country I am living in now. On Audible, this book is narrated by Reni Eddo-Lodge which makes it twice as enjoyable. I totally recommend buying it in its audiobook version.

I chose this book because it is very specific to the UK and the racism that exists here. I wanted to know more about it especially because I have heard a lot of White English people say things like: “Oh no, there is no racism in the UK”, or “Oh, there might be a little racism, but nothing like in the US”. And the truth is that pointing the finger to the US as an epicentre for racism isn’t helpful in changing the racism that is still very much present here as Reni Eddo-Lodge’s book evidences. The first step into stopping racism is recognising that it is there.

Even though this book talks about the UK’s situation, it encouraged me to look at the racism that exists in my own country, Mexico. Mexicans are a mixed race. Our skin colours are as diverse as the cultures within our country. It is sad to say, however, that Mexico is full of Colorism: the darker your skin is the more discriminated you are. This is also the case in many African countries and other Latin American countries. Racism, Colorism is everywhere, and criticising others for their racist attitudes doesn’t help if we don’t look into our own. This book made me question myself and it put me on the lookout for any internalised racism that may manifest in my thoughts, words, or actions. It encouraged me to dissect myself, to look in the mirror, to keep learning and unlearning because we are all here just trying to do our best. Nobody is born knowing everything there is to know about sexism, racism, transphobia, xenophobia, etc. In order to be able to help, we have to first educate ourselves in these matters, and Eddo-Lodge’s book is a wonderful guide to do that. I recommend it, even if you don’t live in the UK for it is an important reading which raises awareness, encourages soul-searching and sows empathy.

Happy reading, everyone!

Coffee Shops and Strangers

I love a good coffee shop. Who doesn’t, right?

They are cozy and perfect for catching up with a good friend, read a book, write, or work. I find the background noises of coffee shops and the soft chill music they usually have on soothing and helpful for concentrating. Then you have the added pleasure of good coffee or a chai latte, in my case, plus a cookie or a shortbread cake. It is the perfect work/study/reading environment if you feel like a bit of social company. Not that it is not as wonderful to stay home in your very own home office with your cute tea set and cactus in the window.

Sometimes days in coffee shops are uneventful but what I love most about coffee shops is that it can also be a place for new things to come your way.

I was in a coffee shop in Kensington earlier this week, writing my dissertation, or trying to. I had writer’s block which came from pure dissertation page fright. So I kept reading, looking at my phone, Shazaming the music on the coffee shop to add to my playlist titled ‘Coffee Shop Vibes’, and doing any number of stuff to keep me from actually starting to write the first chapter of my dissertation. A man with his dog came into the shop and the dog made my day by coming to my table and letting me play with her. The cute dog saving me once again from the blank page. Then the dog left and I was still not ready.

As I was having this procrastinating turmoil inside, a young woman suddenly approached me.

“Hey! Your keyboard cover is so cute! Where did you get it, it is so colourful!”

I get that a lot. My keyboard cover is cute and colourful, but the reason I have it is due more to my clumsiness and expensive habit of spilling my drinks on my laptop than my aesthetic inclinations.

I told her she could get it on Amazon, and that it was quite cheap too, and would save money by avoiding spilling accidents. She said thanks for the tip and then simply started making conversation.

Now, I am usually someone who doesn’t mind talking to strangers as long as I get good vibes from them. I listen to my intuition and this girl, I knew, just wanted a friendly conversation. Or maybe, she just wanted a friend.

The reason it surprised me more was that in London, I found soon after I moved here, people just don’t talk to strangers. If you do, everyone around you will gawk, especially if you do it on the bus or god forbid, the Underground! You can see they all go visibly surprised and uncomfortable.

Coming from Mexico, a country where people are ready to smile at you as you pass by and wish you a good morning, I felt the loss of that easiness of day to day social connection. After a few months in London, however, I got used to it. I avoided eye-contact in the Underground like every one else, more for their benefit than mine. I looked at people’s shoes instead, like Forrest Gump, and wondered where they had been and where they were going. I buried my nose in my books as usual or sometimes just my phone if there was no room to read.

In the street, I also stopped smiling at people. I learned to walk looking straight ahead, becoming a ghost like all the others. Sounds awful, I know, but it also has its perks. You feel free, unwatched (which is so not true, there are so many cameras in London), anonymous, small and grown up at the same time. It is nice, actually. Different, but cool in its own way. It took a while but now I am used to it and even appreciate this anonymity and freedom.

Nevertheless, I do believe it is sad. It is so sad that there are so many people in London, sometimes very close to each other and yet so disconnected, so far apart and just lonely. If I didn’t have friends in London that made me feel connected I know it would feel like a very different city. It wouldn’t feel so much like home. But I know that is not only specific to London but to every city or really, every place in the world. Friends, family and love (in any of its versions) are what make a place feel like home.

But now, in this COVID-19 world, I think we can all agree that making friends just got a little bit harder which is why I admired that this girl took the first step. She kept to social distancing measures and was funny and kind. We talked for a bit more than an hour, I didn’t do any work but I did smile and laughed a lot.

When it was time for me to leave, I thanked her for starting the conversation.

“More people should do that,” I said. “Especially here, especially now, in these times.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” She said. “And you look like someone with a good heart, that is why I talked to you.”

That made me smile. That’s the intuition and vibes I talked about. It’s nice to know I give them out too.

“Ditto.” I told her and she smiled back.

I walked home, with that freshness that good human connection gives you.

I realised that maybe now, especially now, we are all feeling a bit lonely, a bit disconnected, a bit far away… maybe now, especially now, it is the time to get over that ghostlike existence, now that we have to keep distance, it is more important than ever to make eye contact, to smile at each other from across the street or across the room, to wave at each other from opposite windows and sometimes just to say hello and start conversations with strangers with good vibes in coffee shops.

“You have not suffered so you cannot speak”

Written in 2017

My relatives have always been the kind of people that like to argue at the dining table. They like to think it makes lively conversation to discuss a touchy subject, but more often than not, it leads to several of them leaving the table with a scowl and a sour taste in the mouth. As I grew up, I learned the hard way that it is better to limit yourself to be an observer in these situations and that keeping your thoughts to yourself and writing them later serves you far better than arguing with your relatives. My aunts and uncles, however, are not of the same opinion.

“What is abundance?” My uncle asks the whole table. “Because I have been trying and trying to understand it and to grasp what it really means, and I just hit dead ends everywhere. So, what do you think?”

That’s a good question, I think as I look down and start to eat my soup quietly. 

“It is when you feel you have plenty, that you never will lack something”, my aunt says.

I continue to eat the soup. 

“It is when you have a lot of wealth”, says my cousin. 

My uncle shakes his head and turns to me. “What do you think, mija? You are always connected, and you have read a lot. I want to know what you think.

I smile, it warms my heart that my uncle asks me to speak my mind, and I know it is not to drag me into awkward conversations but because he genuinely wants to know what I have to say. 

I look inside my mind’s archives for what I have read and heard and learned about abundance, and I try to form a thought that conveys what I believe to be true about it.

After a few seconds, I venture: “I believe abundance is something you are, rather than something you have. A state of being. Of giving freely because you know the source of where that came from is infinite… that being love, or money, or freedom, or joy, or—”

“Ugh!” My aunt’s grunt cuts me off and everyone turns to look at her. 

She looks at me with fire in her eyes and with contempt in her voice she says, “You can only say such things because you have always had everything given to you, you have never lacked anything! Your parents have given you everything you have ever wanted, and you are way too fortunate to know what it’s like to have to work for what you have! You have never suffered so you cannot know what you are talking about so you shouldn’t even speak!”

Silence falls over my wide-eyed family. Even I, who has always known that this particular aunt has never liked me, am too stunned to speak. And I am sure now that part of her disliking me is the things she just said. Thoughts rush through my mind, But I do work hard! But I have suffered too! I have lived through the deaths of loved ones! My parents got divorced! I have buried a baby! I have seen and survived tough things! I know what it is to feel sad and broken and lonely!

I don’t say any of this because it all seems pointless and because in the back of my mind a small voice is asking: Why do I have to have suffered in order to have an opinion, to have something valuable to say, something worth listening to? 

However, I don’t ask this either. I just press my lips together and look down at my soup. I barely hear what my grandmother says next, trying to deviate the conversation to a lighter place. 

This is but one of the many instances in which I have been silenced, disregarded, or dismissed because I am too inexperienced, too young, too naïve, too innocent, too fortunate, too lucky, too loved to be able to speak about such topics as abundance, grief, success, violence, feminism, money, love, and anything really. After all, happy people, abundant people, lucky people, positive people, loved people can’t possibly understand what it is to feel grief, or pain, or heartbreak, or hopelessness, or loneliness.

This, of course, is bullshit because we have all lived through tough stuff and we have all had obstacles to overcome. Nobody is exempt from hardships, but it always amazes me how many people actually believe some people are, and how easy it is to confuse positivity, resilience, kindness and the relentless desire to see the good in even bad situations as naivety and lack of experience or knowledge. 

In this world, it seems, suffering and going through tough things gives you the right to speak. And the worst thing is that, after people repeatedly tell you this, you start to believe it. 

And the saddest thing was that when a few years later, a terrifying thing that left me shattered in pieces happened to me, one of my first conscious thoughts was: “Now, nobody can tell me I have not suffered. Now, I have earned my right to speak”.

De adentro hacia afuera

Siempre me ha gustado estar sola, la soledad era mi refugio. Ella me ayudaba a respirar, a relajarme, a escapar, a recargar mi energía… Nunca pensé que la soledad podría convertirse un día en mi prisión.
Ahora sé que estar sola por elección es muy diferente a estar sola porque no hay otra opción.

Cuando la soledad se impone, el techo y las paredes parecen más sólidas, más gruesas, más cercanas, el espacio más estrecho, el aire más pesado, el oxígeno se escabulle por la ranura debajo de la puerta. Las ventanas se vuelven vitales, las necesitas para respirar tanto como tu nariz. La ventana es un escape, un recordatorio de que el mundo sigue existiendo, de que no eres el único ser vivo que aún se mueve y respira. La ventana es tu contacto con el mundo todo el día… hasta que llega la noche y se convierte en espejo. Al encender la luz, lo único que te deja ver la ventana es tu reflejo.

Te acercas, un tanto molesta, tú quieres ver el mundo exterior. Te acercas más para ver más allá de tu reflejo. Te acercas tanto hasta quedar frente a frente contigo misma. Logras vislumbrar algunas sombras fuera de tu ventana pero luego, con un sobresalto, te percatas de que algo te está mirando. Te das cuenta de que son tus propios ojos, tu propia mirada, tu reflejo, observándote desde afuera hacia adentro, a través de la ventana que se convirtió en espejo. Por primera vez contemplas lo oscuras que son tus pupilas, el vacío en el centro de tu ojo. Un sentimiento extraño llega a ti… un sentimiento parecido al miedo. Te alejas un poco del vidrio, haciendo una pequeña lagartija vertical con tus manos y piensas: ¿Cómo puedo tener miedo de mi misma, de mis propios ojos, de mi mirada, de mi “adentro”?

Te vuelves a acercar y te desafías a mirar la oscuridad en tus ojos, ese hoyo negro que parece interminable, te preguntas a dónde lleva y si tiene fin. Sigues ese túnel y viajas por el tobogán que empieza en tus pupilas y caes en las profundidades de tu ser.

Ahí encuentras más oscuridad, neblina, lodo, musgo creciendo en lugares donde el agua está estancada dentro de ti. Descubres cavernas y cuencas que no sabías que existían. Encuentras viejas ideas que no sabías que habían echado raíz en ti, envenenando tu ser. Viendo todo este panorama desolador, no puedes ignorarlo y mientras la ventana continúe siendo espejo, no hay nada más que hacer, no hay a dónde escapar.

Entonces tomas tu decisión. Te arremangas, te amarras el cabello y te pones a trabajar. Limpias, sacas, levantas, mueves, desentierras, aireas, quitas, tiras, desechas, cortas desde la raíz todo eso que estaba atorado, putrefacto… lastimando. Luego sigues con el agua. Descubres el dique que mantiene el agua inmóvil, estancada. Levantas las piedras, quitas las ramas, creas espacio, creas caminos para el agua que empieza a fluir de nuevo. Con el río respiras y sientes que algo se destapó en ti. No hay un desborde como temías, sólo un flujo fuerte, gracias a los caminos que has creado el cauce de tu río se mantiene firme, dirigiendo el agua, caminas junto a él siguiendo tu corriente hasta que llegas a donde desemboca en el mar en ti. La brisa abre tu pecho y expande el espacio en él. Con el sol tu piel se calienta y se atreve a estirarse, con el agua y la belleza de ese mar interior, por primera vez desde que la ventana se convirtió en espejo, sientes libertad. Por primera vez, las paredes de tu cuarto son lo suficientemente grandes, el techo suficientemente ancho para hospedar tu ser. Y, por primera vez, agradeces que la ventana se convirtió en espejo porque te permitió ver el universo que llevas dentro y que cuidándolo y atendiéndolo, el mundo tras la ventana se ve mejor desde adentro.

Feet on the Earth: 7 Things to Ground Yourself

Grounding is the first thing a witch must learn before she or he attempts any kind of spell, ritual, or magic. Grounding is basic. It is a survival skill for everyone, not only for witches and healers. 

Grounding brings you back into your body, into Presence, into the Now. Grounding helps to feel centred, focused, present, safe, here. Grounding helps with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, post-traumatic stress… It helps with pain, loneliness, fear, stress. It is one of our most basic and simple tools that we can all access to heal. I believe we should all be taught how to ground ourselves since we are young. Like breathing, grounding can help you relax and bring your mind back to the present, to feel safe in your body and in the world. It can also help to steady yourself before doing something that is out of your comfort zone, something brave.

There are many ways to ground yourself. In this post, I will share the things that help me get grounded and stay grounded. 

  1. Love your feet

Your feet are of the utmost importance, they are your first connection to the Earth. They are your first point of contact between you and the ground, they give you direction and help you move. Thank your toes, your nails, your ankles. Love them, take care of them, honour them. Make sure they are well. Put lotion on them, moisturise them, clean them thoroughly in the shower or bath, touch them, caress them. Touch the soles of your feet, ask them to keep you grounded, to keep you in contact with the Earth. Thank them for carrying your whole body weight, thank them for getting you everywhere, thank them for being part of you. Get a pedicure, get a foot massage, or even better, give one to yourself. Give your feet the love they deserve, realise their importance in your life. And every time you want to get grounded, think of your feet! Send your awareness to them. Plant your feet firmly on the ground, carpet, mat… wherever you are. If you have shoes, socks, flip flops, boots, etc. feel your feet inside them. Be aware of how it feels and be conscious of your feet as you walk, stand, or sit. Wherever you are, think of your feet and, if you can, plant them in the ground and breathe into them! 

  1. Go barefoot

Whenever you can, let your feet breathe. Take the shoes, the socks, everything off. If you have a garden, live in the countryside, live near a park, leave near the beach… Walk or just stand barefoot. Feel the soil, how fresh it is. Feel the earth, the grass, the sand. Does it feel warm or cold? Bury your toes in the soil, the sand. If you are on the beach let the water reach your feet, let it sink you on the sand. The water heals you, cleanses you. If you are near a river, dip your feet. Flowing rivers have the power to wash away negative energy. Talk to the river, talk to the ocean, ask for the help of the Earth to keep you grounded, centred, connected to this life, to this world and to your true being, to your essence, and your Soul. 

3. Sit Down and Feel Your Body

Close your eyes and put your awareness on those parts of your body which are making contact with the ground, and the chair, sofa, or whatever surface where you are sitting on. Feel your back supported, feel the surface where you are sitting down. Feel your legs, your feet, the strength of your spine. Take your awareness to your bones, feel their strength, and solidity. Feel their weight and their sureness. Be aware of the gravity that keeps you on the ground. Thank that gravity. Feel your body with your hands, touch it, and press lightly on different parts of it. Say: I am here, right here. I am here. And be there with your whole being. Lovingly press each part of your body, the top of your head, the sides of your head, your cheeks, your eyes, your neck, your arms, your core… all of it. Get acquainted with your body and the space it takes. Breathe into it, allow it to be and thank it for its abilities and its limits as well. Your body is your anchor, it is one of the most precious tools you have to be able to manifest yourself in this life, with this form. Thank it every day. Your cells hear you, they hear your every word, your every thought, make sure you speak only love, health, and peace into them. If you don’t, apologise as well and change the way you talk or think about your body. 

4. Root yourself 

Plant your feet on the ground (soil or grass is preferable) but anywhere can do. Breathe and close your eyes, think of your feet, send your awareness to your soles. Imagine roots coming out of your soles and digging deep into the Earth. Even if you are not on the ground. Maybe you are in an apartment, or a second floor, still… imagine roots coming down from your feet and going through all those layers, down, down, into the earth, pass all the apartments, all the floors, deep into the ground. Imagine that your roots reach deeper, through all the layers of the Earth, deep, deep, to the very Core of Mother Earth. Get to the very Centre of the Earth. Imagine it how you will… Sometimes I imagine a bright beautiful light. Sometimes I imagine a radiant crystal, other times I imagine a bright star, but most times I imagine a loving Mother, with her arms wide open, waiting to embrace me.

5. Work with Mother Earth

Wrap your roots around that light, around that crystal, hug the Core of the Earth. Thank her… There is so much to thank her for. She volunteered to hosts us, despite all the damage we’ve done. She still gives us space, life, love. Honour that. Hug her. Thank her. Love her. And ask her to keep you connected to her, to keep you grounded, to keep you centred and safe. Imagine how her love feels. Ask her to send you her highest vibration. Imagine that energy, what colour is it? I visualise it usually as a green healing energy, or as a golden powerful light. Visualise the energy of Mother Earth surging from her, travelling through your roots all the way up, up, up, up until it reaches the soles of your feet. Imagine it travelling through your feet up to all your body, pass your ankles, shins, knees, thighs, and as it goes up to the rest of your body, it activates your chakras. Root chakra, sacral chakra, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, crown. Imagine these energy centres activating, lighting up as the energy goes up into all your body. Fill yourself with light. And then when you reach your crown chakra, try to keep your awareness there as you also think of your feet. Integrate all your body, envision all of it, connected, centred, grounded. Embody your body. Fill the Presence of your Soul in every cell, every muscle, every corner of your body. 

6. Go for a Walk

If you are on the beach, or somewhere you can walk barefoot, do that! But if not, just walk, or hike, or trek. As you walk, feel every step. Try to step with awareness, with consciousness. Sometimes walking becomes such an ordinary thing that we are not even aware of it, we walk while talking, thinking, looking everywhere but within, texting, listening to music, or I must admit I have even walked while reading a book (do not try this on the street!). But try Conscious Walking… no music, no talking, just you and your feet and the world. Make walking a meditation. Be with your body, with yourself. Clear space in your mind. Connect with your body and the Earth. It is not only a good way to exercise but also to come back to your Soul. 

7. Work on your Lower Body

Work on strengthening your core, legs, thighs, calves, ankles, knees. Work on becoming more flexible. Your legs support you, they are like the extension of your roots. They give you movement, they carry you. Work them. Do whatever exercise you find to your liking that strengthens, adds flexibility to your core and lower body. I like to do Body Pump, Pilates, Yoga, Spinning, Running, Walking, but there are so many other things to try. 

Once you get grounded, magic away! Or simply, you know, go on with your day, keep going, keep moving, keep growing, knowing that your roots are deep enough to keep you upright! Whatever happens, you take your roots with you, you take your strength, your courage, your Presence… Carry yourself with you always and know that you will be alright. Just remember to always come back to your body, to your centre, to your essence, to your Soul which is connected to everything. That’s where the healing starts. 

The Whole Within

A few days ago, I woke up thinking “Today I need more Yang”. 

I was out of balance. I felt too emotional, too sensitive. I no longer label that as bad, or wrong. I have worked hard to realise and accept that feeling emotional and being sensitive is good, that it is a strength, not a weakness. I know that, I accept that and honour it. But I needed to come back to my centre. As much as I love being emotional and sensitive. I also want to feel strong, centred, resilient, and powerful. Those qualities reside in me also and I’ve had opportunities to show them time and time again. I needed them right then. I needed more Yang to rebalance my Yin. 

The Ancient Chinese concept of Yin-Yang shows a Whole made of two opposites that instead of fighting against one another, complement each other. Many people have associated these opposites with moral values of good and bad. However, neither the Yin nor the Yang is inherently good or bad energy. They are just different energies, both are needed for both to exist. Without the Yin, there would be no Yang, and vice-versa. There are so much depth and wisdom to be derived from this Ancient Chinese concept, especially in our current times.

Wherever you look, “opposites” are fighting against each other. Attacking, defending, pushing back, one trying to overpower the other. We forget… without our opposites, we wouldn’t be. We are not here to fight each other, in fact, we all need each other. There must always be Yin in the Yang and Yang in the Yin. If there isn’t, we go out of balance, it becomes too much Yin, or too much Yang. And too much is as unhealthy as too little. The balance of either can only be achieved by raising and working on its opposite. 

While the Yin is associated with the internal, with the female energy within ALL of us, with the night, the Moon, the stillness, the cold, the Water, the Earth, the Heart, Spirituality, the Divine,  intuition, the Right Brain; The Yang is linked to the external, to the male energy within ALL of us, to the day, the Sun, the Movement & Action, to Fire, the Sky, the Mind, Science, matter, reason, the Left Brain. 

Even though yes, the Yin embodies the female energy, and yes, the Yang represents the male energy… Another misconception that has had serious implications is to associate these energies with the construct of gender. This misconception has caused an awful divide between men and women categories, and disregarded everyone outside of these boxes. It also has made it so that, historically, men, have been supposed to be action-focused, externally-based, energetic, analytical, determined, disciplined, authoritarian, dominant, strong, all mind no heart because they were bullied into giving up their intuition, their flexibility, their fluidity, their emotion, their internal world, their stillness, their calm, their creativity, their female energy which is part of EVERYONE and which is also our basic right, the Yin. And without their Yin, men’s Yang went out of balance, and in its unhealthy state, too much Yang becomes aggressiveness, fury, anxiousness, brutality, violence, addiction, restlessness, hate…

Women, on the other hand, were allowed their intuition, their sensitivity, being in touch with their emotions as long as they weren’t unbridled because then it was called hysteria or madness, they were allowed to come from the heart but were disregarded as inferior minds. We were allowed our Yin but not our Yang and it is because of that that our Yin ended up overflowing… our emotions raged inside us, our whole beings begged for balance, for our lost Yang… and what do we all do when we are suppressing or repressing one of these energies within us?

We try to search for it outside of us. 

So men… with repressed Yin and overflowing Yang… search for women with overflowing Yin and suppressed Yang. This is an unconscious attempt to find balance. This is the typical “macho man” with the submissive woman. But of course, too much Yang in someone, or too much Yin ends up being unhealthy, toxic, and not-functional. That is why we have toxic masculinity (too much Yang, out of balance, in need of Yin) but we also have a trampled Yin that overflows into depression, over-sensitivity, over-emotionality, drama, and doesn’t find structure and cannot function either. We sometimes try to rebalance ourselves unconsciously finding a partner that seems to embody the energy we need. The problem is that when we are too much of either, the moment we get the other energy, it will also be too much, out balance, and unhealthy. 

So people who have too much Yang and are therefore aggressive, controlling, dominant, authoritarian, despondent, condescending, arrogant, when they tap into Yin they switch to Yin’s unhealthy, overflowing state so they become emotionally manipulative, dramatic, depressed, hurtful, clingy, needy, etc… Also, people with too much Yin, when they switch into Yang, they get the Yang in its unbalanced state too and they become aggressive, anxious, vindictive, violent… etc.

Or for example, this is very typical… a man who has a very present Yin, because historically and socially the Yin has been repressed in everyone but especially in menMen who have a very active Yin are afraid of it and use their Yang to beat their Yin out of themselves, or target people who embody Yin energy more clearly, for example, women. This is the reason behind misogyny, gynophobia, transphobia, homophobia. This is also the reason why some people cheat on their partners, drink, bully, fight… Those people try to get more Yang, but because they do so unconsciously they end up using Yang in its unbalanced and toxic state and with that they try to further repress their Yin, to get rid of it. If they would only embrace their Yin instead and balance it with healthy Yang… the world would be a very different place. 

Too much or too little of either is not healthy. We need both. And most importantly we need to understand we ARE both. Sometimes we think we are only one part of the whole, that we are the part that has the Yin with a bit of Yang and that someone else who will complement us or rather “complete us” will be the Yang that has a little bit of Yin, or vice-versa.

This is not true. It is unhelpful, unhealthy, and it keeps us dependent on another external source to become balanced, functional, fulfilled, structured, and whole.

We ARE the Whole, we ARE the Yin AND the Yang. All OF US.

Both of these energies are intrinsic parts of us, and we need both to be centred, balanced, and healthy. We are entitled to both, we deserve both, all of us, regardless of our gender identity, our appearance, our genitalia, our hormones, our bodies… ALL OF US ARE BOTH. 

But because we are led to believe that we do not have one of these, or even that we are not entitled to one or deserving of one, or simply not allowed to have one of these… we go through life oscillating between both energies in their unbalanced state, going through toxic and codependent relationships with others, and making unconscious choices that cause us to lose out on a lot of life’s opportunities and happiness. This is also why we say “opposites attract” when we refer to someone who seems to be with another one who is very different from them. That relationship is an attempt to reconnect with that part of you that is lost, that you need, not necessarily with another person but with yourself. And this is why many relationships fail because there is no integration of these parts of the self, but rather co-dependency on others to provide the energies we need in order to become balanced which ultimately never works unless we find both energies in ourselves and embrace them, heal them and restore them to the centre.

I realised that to stop your Yin from overflowing, you have to add Yang. And to stop Yang from overflowing you have to add Yin. But not go to the unhealthy state… do this CONSCIOUSLY so you can use the energy you need in its healthy state to balance the other and restore it to the centre. 

So I had been feeling out of balance. My Yin was overflowing, my Yang was nowhere to be found. I needed to help my Yin come back to the centre, I needed to help it heal and I instinctively knew I needed Yang to help my Yin. However, as I realised all this about the Yin and the Yang within me, for the first time, I resisted the impulse to go looking for my Yang outside of myself. Instead I made a little experiment. So a few days ago I decided: Today I am going to be Yang. All day. 

I wrote all the characteristics I associate with Yang in its healthy, balanced state and sought to embody them for a whole day. My list went something like this: Strength, determination, assertiveness, action, ambition, spontaneity, adventure, excitement, courage, protection, discipline, confidence, productivity…

That day I engaged in all kinds of activities that would wake up and sustain my dormant Yang energy within me and gave me opportunity to embody these qualities:

That day…

I woke up early, took a cold shower, put on working trousers, and shoes (I usually have just been wearing leggings and flip-flops during this lockdown), I tied my hair (I usually love it free and flowing), I power walked to the supermarket, looking straight ahead without ever stopping. I did not say sorry like I usually do when someone allows me to pass first (why do I usually say sorry for that? I wondered afterward), I just nodded and said thanks. I was surprised that my voice even sounded stronger, firmer, lower. I looked at my finances that day, paid all my credit cards, figured out my budget, worked with numbers, I got work done too. When it was time to do exercise instead of doing yoga or pilates like I usually do, I chose something that helped me develop my strength so I did body pump, lifted weights, worked on my core. I went outside to explore the countryside and took new paths that I hadn’t even seen before. 

By the end of my day, embodying Yang, I felt so good… so centred, so balanced, so strong. When I relaxed in the evening, I tapped into my Yin consciously again and I no longer felt over-sensitive. I did Yin-like things: I wrote, I took a bath, I did a bit of stretching and looked into my feelings. I felt surprisingly at ease. For days I had been crying, I had been feeling depleted, lonely, and sad. Now I still felt sadness because of recent events in my life but it was not overpowering. I cried, careful not to repress my feelings… but just two tears rolled down my cheeks and I found that I didn’t need more. I felt at peace. My Yang had helped my Yin. And it had been my Yin, my intuition, that had allowed me to find my Yang by telling me all this and creating this experiment, in the first place. It is just so wonderful to see that we have all this power of balance within us. We always did, but now that I know it and I can use it CONSCIOUSLY… I feel so… grateful, so relieved. I feel grateful that I am not only Yin, I am grateful that I can be Yang. And I am grateful to know that everyone is BOTH. If we understood this, truly… everything would change… gender roles and binaries, misogyny, gynophobia, toxic masculinity, homophobia, transphobia… all those fears would transmute into understanding, freedom, compassion, joy, and celebration of the wholeness in difference. I believe that we are moving (slowly) but surely towards that… and may the YIN-YANG within ALL of us help us on our way.

I found this later on the internet. I find it helpful to make my own list but if anyone wants to tap more into their Yin or their Yang, here is a quick useful list. 

May you stay WHOLE always and may you use your Yang to heal your Yin and your Yin to rebalance your Yang.

We Disagree… The Love Is Still There: A Guide To Having Uncomfortable Conversations with Your Loved Ones

As part of the Black Lives Matter Movement, one of the things that black people are asking other non-black people to do is to talk to other non-black people about things that need addressing like racism, white supremacy, white privilege, oppression, black history… etc. The black community is asking the world to have these often uncomfortable conversations with our own community and especially our loved ones, our parents, our grandparents who often like to state that “because they are old, they are set in their ways”, our kids, our friends, our neighbours… People we care about, people we love who may be sometimes not so willing to listen to the other side of their arguments. 

Now Racism is at the top of the list for a lot of people (myself included), but in my own country, in Mexico, Sexism and Violence Against Women have been at the top of my list for years. I have had difficult conversations with my peers, friends, and family which have often led to heated discussions that end with both parties feeling attacked, offended, misunderstood, unheard, and hurt. 

I have realised that it is far more challenging to talk to the people you love than to lecture people on Twitter. 

When I called my father out on his sexist jokes, I wasn’t aiming to alienate him… I just wanted him to understand why they weren’t funny at all. I wanted him to soul-search, to become aware that words have power and that even if he thinks that “it is just a joke”, it does have further implications than that because it perpetuates sexist behaviours and attitudes that harm women. 

I was fortunate enough to have a father that listens, that is proud to learn from his daughter, and that is willing to change his behaviours and beliefs to create a kinder, more equal world. I have also learned that to make him listen I must always come from a loving place because at the end of the day… I am doing this (having these conversations) out of love, out of love for the cause I support, out of love for myself but also out of love for my father too. If I didn’t care about what he thought, I wouldn’t spend time debating with him. 

My father and I have learned to debate without attacking/offending each other and that, in turn, has helped me debate with other people I love without falling out. This post is my guide to have uncomfortable yet important conversations with your loved ones without forgetting the basic thing: that you love each other.

  1. LISTEN

The hardest part comes first. When we feel we have been wronged it is very hard to listen to others’ points of view. All we want is to be heard and understood, especially if we have been constantly silenced or if our voice has been disregarded before. It is so difficult sometimes to actively listen to my loved ones because it feels like my mouth is filling up with words trying to push each other out of my lips. Yet I hold them in, pressing my lips together, and tell myself to just… Breathe.

2.  REMEMBER THAT YOU LOVE THEM

This is just as important as the first point. Before I speak, I look at them in silence while I breathe. I notice things about them that I love, their hair, their eyes, the wrinkles at the corner of their eyes, their laugh lines, their freckles… I hold on to them and I wake up the deep-seated love I have for them. Moreover, I remember that they are not my enemy, and I remember all the parts of them that are beautiful, and kind, and loving. The fact that they may be unconscious in some regards, the fact that they may be displaying sexist/racist/homophobic/transphobic…etc..etc attitudes does not mean that they are evil, does not mean that they are bad people. They are not. The whole of them is much greater than that and if I love them, I make myself remember why. 

3. KNOW THAT IT IS MORE COMPLEX THAN WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

It is easy to label someone this or that, it is easy to judge and condemn. It is easy, yet unhelpful, to divide the world into “good people” and “bad people”. The world is not like that. Nobody is inherently evil nor good, those are human judgements. Shakespeare said it best: “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet). To know that your loved ones’ views are the result of a number of factors such as past conditioning, family/historical background, culture, past experiences, education, character, upbringing, fears and anxieties, etc. is helpful in understanding why they think the way they think. And we must never underestimate the power of Understanding, it can dismantle anger, resentment, and hate, for understanding where they are coming from can spark in us empathy, tolerance, patience, and compassion. 

4. BE AWARE OF THE PAIN

When you and your loved ones are debating, pain may be easily triggered when having these difficult conversations. They may say something that really moves you and you may be tempted to react and say something that in return moves them and makes them react until it all escalates into a fire that will take the double amount of water to douse. Try, as hard as you can, not to talk from your pain. If you do or did, know that it is your pain talking, the part of you that is hurt, which often wants to hurt back. Know it for what it is. Most of us have it. It’s part of our shadow, but that shadow also makes our light possible. See it, acknowledge it, address it. Shining your awareness on it will make it lose its grip on you. The other person may also be talking from his or her pain, that does not concern you. Use their pain to look at your own. The other person is your mirror, you see in them what is in you. If you hear pain, resentment, fear in their voice, hear and look into your own. 

5. INFUSE YOUR WORDS WITH LOVE 

The best way to get your words across is to infuse them with love, understanding, compassion, empathy, and kindness. Even reluctant ears pick up on that loving energy, and the barriers lessen, the walls come down. And if they don’t… Understand that every Soul has its own processes and goes at its own pace. Don’t judge them or condemn them, we are all doing the best we can with what we know. Don’t assume that because they didn’t seem to hear you, your words won’t reach them. Sometimes the words stay, and they may ponder your words in silence, in stillness… and that’s when the real change happens. You must also do this yourself, even if you think someone is wrong, don’t disregard your loved ones’ words so easily… ponder them, they might help you understand your loved ones more, your relationship with them and yourself too. The words that stay with you are trying to tell you something as well. 

6. DON’T BE AFRAID TO APOLOGISE

If you said something hurtful, if you were unkind… Don’t be afraid to apologise. Sometimes we don’t apologise because it hurts to admit we did wrong, or that we hurt others. Sometimes it seems that as long as we don’t apologise, somehow, it isn’t real. Sometimes we don’t apologise because we are afraid we will lose our power. But power isn’t love. And apologising can spark healing. It shows great strength and courage in taking responsibility for your actions, words, the positive and the hurtful ones. Mean your apology and change your behaviour, words, energy. If they were unkind to you… don’t engage and hurt back. Muster courage, strength, understanding, and love. Change the energy. Remember who you are and who they are and most importantly, that you love each other. 

7. THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW

More often than not debates of this sort end without any conclusion. It is most likely that you won’t change their minds and that they won’t change yours by the end of the conversation. But the point is to have the conversation in the first place and to keep having them. Change takes time and sometimes it comes all in a rush. Be patient, be kind, be brave, and keep at it. If not today, try again tomorrow. Someday, you may be surprised. 

Photo by Matheus Viana on Pexels.com

Lockdown Summer Solstice Rituals

Today June 20th, 2020 is the Summer Solstice. The longest day of the year, the shortest night of the year. On this day, the Sun is at its highest, brightest, and most powerful state. In many cultures, it has been an important date which represents new beginnings, a time of fertility, renewal, and a time for setting new paths and intentions. Rituals were performed during this day by many ancient civilisations. The descendants of these still perform them today. Many people, during this day, head towards energetic portals which are found all over the world like Stonehenge, the Sun Pyramid in Mexico, etc. 

However, as we are still dealing with lockdown and COVID-19… travelling towards one of those Sun-Portals may be harder or impossible this year. 

Here are a few things you can do at home to celebrate this day instead and to use the energy of the Sun to set your intentions for the rest of 2020. I think we can all agree… We could all use some sunLight right now. 

  1. Go into the Sun

Even if it is cloudy where you are, the Sun is still there. Go to your window, stand there, feel its warmth. Close your eyes, face the Sun, and with your palms open towards it let it fill you. Ground yourself, feel your feet and your roots that keep you connected to the Earth but face the Sun. Ask the Sun to fill you up with its Energy. Ask the Sun to ignite your Fire, to elevate your energy, to give you courage, and strength. Use your power of visualisation, imagine the rays of sunlight entering you, running and shining through every part of your body, waking you up, raising you, arousing you, setting you on fire. Fire that transmutes, fire that heals. 

2. Drink Chamomile Tea 

Chamomile is associated with the Sun, it has been used by witches and healers from many civilisations for detoxing, cleansing, healing, protection, releasing, and relaxing. It is basically a magical remedy applicable for lots of things. Drink lots of it today, add honey and ginger if you want to give it an extra boost of energy. And if you are feeling more witchy, wash your face or hair with it, or better yet, take a chamomile bath. 

3. Listen to Sunny Music

Make a playlist of every song you associate with the Sun, the Summer, the Light. Of course mine starts with Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles. It also includes: Island in the Sun by Weezer, Walking on Sunshine by Katrina & the Waves, Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield, Walk In the Sun by McFly… If you have more recommendations, would love to know!

4. Wear the Sun

If you have something bright, something yellow, something red, something orange… now is the best time to wear it. If you can buy yellow flowers, or just stop to contemplate them, and thank them for being little Suns on Earth, do that. Paint, draw, or colour Sunful images or pictures. Sun Mandalas are a good idea!

5. Light a Fire or… Just a Candle

This may be a bit harder to do for some of us. If you can do a proper fire, that would be awesome. If I could do that where I am now, believe me, I would be chanting and dancing around it right now. But… A candle works as well. Fire is a powerful element, it has the power to transmute, to enrich the soil, to purge, to cleanse, to warm, to revive. It has also a lot of destructive potential, but in its balanced state it is great for healing and letting go. Write a list of the things you would like to let go of… maybe it’s an unhealthy habit, or negative emotion, maybe it’s a toxic situation or relationship. Maybe it’s just old ideas about yourself. Anything that is holding you back, weighting you down, write it… and read the list to the Fire. Ask it to help you letting go, to help you transmute these into positive, to change, to renew, to be born again, like a Phoenix. If you can, burn the list. Gaze into the fire and thank all these things for they have helped you too. Let them go in peace and in love. 

6. Set Your Intentions

Ask yourself what you wish for the rest of your year. What do you want more of, what do you want to let go of, what kind of energy would you like to have, what goals would you like to reach, what dreams, what would you like to heal… Write these answers if possible, then Read them to the Sun. Go into the Sunshine again. If possible, go outside into you garden, balcony, roof, nearby forest, or park… but a window works too! Ask for these things to come into your life, ask the Sun, the Universe, Your God/Goddess, Your Inner God/Goddess, anything, or anyone you believe in… in the end… We Are All One and Divinity is in everything and everyone. Put power into your words, infuse them with energy and love. Give thanks for you receiving all that you ask for. Believe that you will, that you already have. Give thanks for all that is coming, be grateful for all that was. After you finish setting your intentions, hug them, kiss them, and let them go… Let the Universe/God/Goddess/Your Soul/The Sun/All of It do its thing and just trust.

Happy Summer Solstice, witches! 

The Healing Power of Words

Words are important. Words have power. And there is something very powerful in being able to use words consciously. Not so long ago, I discovered how healing it can be to have the right words to verbalise your experiences.

It happened while reading a book for the feminist book club I had with my friends from university. We met once a month to discuss books by different female authors. That month’s reading was Toni Morrison’s Beloved. I think Morrison is a wonderful writer and the powerful reaction I had to Beloved is a testimony of just how good her writing is.

I remember that at some point in the story (no spoilers!), the book started shaking in my hands. I felt cold, and then sick and dizzy. I looked up from the page but everything around me was calmed, just another ordinary day. Inside, I was in turmoil, struggling to breathe. I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt this unbelievable sadness that came with memories from a painful time in my past. I needed to finish the book. I told myself to swallow whatever it was and push through, It’s nothing, just a memory. I told myself but the sickness would not leave, and the more I read, the worse I felt. Memories flooded me, pain assaulted me. I was outraged, It’s been years! I am over this! I’ve done the work! What is happening? It was overwhelming. It was such a strong bodily reaction that my mind could do little to contain it. In fact, my mind only made it worse. The memories seemed tangible, they seemed like not-memories-at-all. My mind painted them over reality until they seemed more real than the book in my hands.

Finally, I admitted defeat. I closed the book and started crying. I cried all day. 

Days after, I sat quietly gripping my tea in a coffee shop surrounded by my friends. I was excited to listen more than to speak. I felt like back at university when I hadn’t done the reading for that week’s seminar and I kept my head down hoping that the tutor wouldn’t notice me. Everyone shared their first impressions of the book. I nodded my agreement when someone said that it had been a hard story to read. I hadn’t planned to share my reading experience with my friends. I felt ashamed and freaked out. I had labelled myself overly dramatic and tried to forget about it. 

But when it was my turn, I confessed:  “I couldn’t finish it. I don’t know what happened. I just started crying and then I couldn’t stop. I felt awful. It reminded me of something and… I just couldn’t go on.” 

And then one of my friends said, her voice full of empathy: “Oh, yeah. Trigger.” 

The others nodded in agreement and they all looked at me, with eyes of understanding. 

Trigger. I was struck by that word. I repeated it silently to myself, Trigger. 

I had heard it before, along with the words: Trigger warning. But I hadn’t really grasped its meaning until now. It took a bit of research to find out what exactly was a trauma trigger, or what was trauma, for that matter.

Learning these words, along with a few related ones like anxiety, flashbacks, post-traumatic stress, panic attack… helped me make sense of myself and my processes. These words became tools, they became guides that allowed me to understand my experiences, and thus, be less afraid of them. 

I now have realised that humans are so attached to words because they give us a measure of control over things, they help us shape our reality. Words are tools, powerful ones. And like all tools, their role in this world depends on the one who wields them. 

Words can be limiting, words can be hurtful. Words can create conflict and misunderstanding. They can create the opposite too. 

Words can convey love, hope, and light. They can create friendships and spark romance. They can bring about forgiveness and redemption. Words can heal. Words can soothe your soul. 

Toni Morrison’s words helped me heal by unearthing the remnants of trauma that were still buried deep inside my unconscious. And giving a word  —Trigger— to my reading experience of Beloved made me feel peaceful. It allowed me to understand and therefore, not be afraid or judgemental. It shifted my perspective from being irritated with my reaction to being loving, caring, and respectful of my feelings. I had gone through a traumatic event at a young age, I had worked hard to heal it; if it was still showing up years later the only thing to do was to continue the healing, to be extra loving, extra patient, and extra kind to myself. To be present with my feelings and to honour them. So I did just that. 

 I am grateful for that trigger because it allowed me to work on past trauma, to look at it again, and to bring it to the light of my consciousness. It enabled me to heal. Having the word “trigger” is a shield with which I can face whatever comes my way that will awaken past pain because now, I will know it for what it is and will, therefore, be able to work with it instead of being at its mercy.

I am grateful to words and I am grateful for triggers for one grants me understanding and the other provides me with opportunity. Opportunity to let go, to let out, to heal, and to move on. I am also thankful for trigger warnings because they allow me a moment to breathe, to prepare, and to choose. 

I am grateful for Toni Morrison’s words and stories which show us a traumatic collective past in need of healing. 

I am grateful for my friends whose experiences have made them empathetic and given them words to share that provide healing for others. 

Since then, I have gone back to Toni Morrison’s Beloved with a new sense of understanding of the novel and of myself. As I read through to the end and closed the book, I sighed in relief and thanked the healing power of words.